Dear New York,
Have you had your way with me? I've been straining to hear from you on this, tuning my ear to the word on the street, your sirens' songs, but I can't quite get it. Does your serendipity I so reluctantly learned still hold lessons, and most important the possibility it has before? I feel like i've finally gotten good at being alone with you, trusted you to break my heart and hold me together, which was a hard one. So if it is over for now I'd be surprised, really, since I do think we've finally learned to communicate.
Through chainlink, darkly. Greenpoint Brooklyn, Nov 2010.
What's more, i still haven't figured out how to reciprocate. You know how much I've learned from watching you, trying to keep up with those who've run with you longer. You finally convinced me that my own speed and vantage are valuable and so I'd like to see you really get something from them--you know this means a lot to me. it's the full circle of lessons. but maybe my eyes aren't well enough adjusted for that, either? or maybe trust is the lesson.
Though I try and keep him a separate consideration, what's hard is your cousin in the far west is so clear and insistent about his position on this question. He reminds me with simpler problems and people, but also the unmistakable voices of loved ones. I remember my last long stay with him, thinking as I pedaled along his jacaranda-carpeted shoulders in late spring that i felt like an exotic bird there in that asphalt jungle. It was a nice feeling to be rare and precious, but I yearned for you most of the time.
Not jacaranda but some other fallen blossoms. Disney Concert Hall, Los Angeles, January 2008.
Aside from the reciprocity snag, I also don't even think we've really spent a whole weekend just relaxing together. And you have such nice places to relax! Does it mean we work well together but we can't play? I mean, I've always chocked that up to circumstance, but maybe i'm deluding myself like so many others who claim "too busy!" to do normal things like hang out. Oddly, I don't seem to have that problem with your cousin of the west.
Anyhow, I really do hope you can show me some recognizable sign soon, because I feel my deep affection for your waterfront tugging at me to do something for its equitable access, to cast a Vision 2020 wide enough to reel in people as far inland as East New York, Bronxdale, Glendale. What's more, your sectors are a lot more fluid than in other places and that is quite possibly the most attractive, irresistible thing about you; I want the challenge posed by constant translation. i want to take your real estate and make it really estates, show property values how to grow nearer to property's values. And I want to stumble sometimes and kick ass other times, but most of all show you what you've taught me. Give back a little. Learn more in another chapter or 2 or 3 lived.
The High Line. Manhattan, NYC October 2009)
So, let me hear from you, okay? And soon. I'll wait awhile longer but I can only read so much Rilke. And though his wisdom helps with the yearning, it doesn't pay student loans. But you know, it's also okay if now isn't the time; we know ours is a long-term thing with seasons of near and far togetherness. I could get used to the idea, probably.
You know where to find me, my insatiable, formidable companion.
Long Island City, what's your role in all this? July 2011.
with love,
jp
